Goal Setting For Couples: 10 Tips To Set Better Goals With Your Partner

If you’ve ever looked at a couple and thought “relationship goals”, just know that first, this couple isn’t perfect, and second, they most likely have to put in a lot of work and communication to make their relationship work. But did you know goal setting for couples can help your relationship become the “goals” you love to see?

Here’s what you need to know about goal setting for couples, and how you can start setting better goals with your partner.

Should couples have goals together?

Absolutely! Setting goals with your partner is beneficial in many ways, including (but not limited to):

• Aiding communication
• Helps you avoid arguments due to unmet needs and wants
• Helps you spend more time together
• Creates an honest and “no-judgment” zone for both of you to feel comfortable
• Helps you speak in each other’s love language
• Helps you understand each other more
• Can help you manage tough times

As you can see, that’s a lot of benefits! And those aren’t even all of them, but setting goals can help with lots of potential “issues” that can come up due to miscommunication or unmet needs.

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What goals should couples set?

There are many different goals that you can set as a couple. These include:

• Financial goals
• Relationship goals
• Family goals
• Future goals (like marriage, retirement, etc)

While some of these goals may overlap into multiple categories, there may also be some that have nothing to do with items like money or finances. For example, you may want to set a goal to have an in-home date night each month. While that doesn’t cost any money, it’s a goal to spend more time together!

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What are long-term goals for couples?

Long-term goals for couples are anything that will take at least 3-5 years (or more) to achieve. These goals may include marriage, starting (or blending) a family, buying a home (or moving in together), and the like.

Remember, you can set both short-term and long-term goals with your partner. And even when you set long-term goals, you should break down those goals into shorter-term tasks that you can complete together to reach those goals.

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How do couples set their goals together?

The best way to start setting goals together is to simply sit down and have a “meeting” with each other where you both talk about what you’re looking to accomplish and what you would like to do together. These discussions can take around an hour to 90 minutes when you first get started.

As time moves forward and you get comfortable setting goals together, these meetings can take as little as 20 minutes to just “check in”. We recommend following up on goals and having these discussions at least once a month with your partner.

So, to break it all down, you should set goals together by following these simple tips:

• Have your first meeting to set your goals together. This could be during dinner, before cuddle time, or even on a weekday/weekend when you’re both off of work. Whatever it is, schedule it and stick to it.

• Set aside time to chat about your initial goals, and make sure you plan them using the SMART method.

• Set up recurring meetings (could be weekly, monthly, bi-monthly, or once a quarter, but try not to go further than that).

• Hold each other accountable and ask how the other person is coming along in meeting their portion of the goal.

• Open up about any challenges that you may be facing that are keeping you from reaching your goals. For example, is the goal specific enough? Are you at the right time in your life/relationship to have this as a top goal? Do you need extra support? Don’t be afraid to speak up.

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What is a relationship SMART goal?

A relationship smart goal follows the same steps as any smart goal. In order for the goal to be SMART, it must be; specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.

As an example, don’t just set a goal of “We want to buy a home together”. When do you want to buy the home? How much will you spend? When will you start looking for homes together, and when will you need to be moved in? How are you saving for this home, and who is managing the savings goal? These are all questions that need to be asked so you can make the goal as easy (as possible) to achieve.

How do you support your partner in goals?

When you’re goal setting with your partner, it may be difficult to know how exactly to support the both of you at first. But simply put, you just need to listen to them, ask specific questions on things you may not understand, and work with them on goals that you set together.

While your partner may have goals that they want to work towards on their own, you should both be equally invested in the goals you set together. Don’t leave them hanging, it can make it hard for them to trust that you want the goal as much as they do if you do that!

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What are some examples of couple goals?

Looking for some goals to start setting together? Here are just a few different options that you can start with!

Financial goals

Of course, financial goals are important goals to set as a couple. Did you know that financial issues are the second leading cause of divorce? Here are some goal ideas to set as a couple:

• Pay for a vacation/trip together
• Buy a home
• Pay off a home
• Invest in a rental property
• Pay off debt
• Prepare financially for a kid(s)
• Complete a savings challenge
• Start a side hustle/business together for extra income
• Retire or reach financial freedom

Of course, these aren’t all of the financial goals that you can set together. But these are great to use when getting started!

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Relationship goals

Next up, we have relationship goals. Here are a few ideas to start with:

• Weekly/monthly date night
• Stop relationship comparison
• Share household chores equally
• Find a hobby you can do together (and continue that hobby)
• Seek relationship therapy/counseling to stay in a happy/healthy relationship
• Be each other’s biggest supporter
• Have other couple friends (for double dates!)
• Learn and respect each other’s love language
• Spoil each other from time to time

Don’t be afraid to add these ideas to your goals, and create some of your own if you can think of them!

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Family goals

If you and your partner want to have kids eventually (or adopt animals together — they can count as family too), then there are family goals you can set. They include:

• Have adventures as a family
• Maintain everyone’s health
• Save for kid(s) college
• Enjoy time together as a family (family nights)
• Prepare for the fees of birth/adoption
• Complete community projects together
• Have space for everyone to do their own thing
• Create and maintain a family financial plan
• Start or keep up with family traditions

Again, you don’t have to do each of these goals, and you can set your own too. These are just ideas to get your wheels turning.

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Spiritual goals

If you and your partner are religious and/or spiritual, here are some great goals to set:

• Pray for each other and together
• Forgive each other often and don’t harbor negative feelings toward your partner
• Grow in your faith or spirituality together
• Respect each other’s boundaries
• Read religious/spiritual books together

These goals may change and you spend more time together, but they’re a great place to start.

Related Article: 11 Tips For Praying For Your Spouse

Intimacy goals

Intimacy is important in any relationship, but it’s not just about the physical! Here are a few intimacy goals you can set:

• Have regular time alone together (no phones, no tv, no kids)
• Tell each other “I love you” often
• Maintain physical intimacy
• Flirt with each other!
• Write each other love notes

Can you think of any other intimacy goals with your partner? Write those down too!

Related Podcast: Why Every Married Couple Needs To Continue To Date Each Other

Personal goals that benefit the relationship

In order to grow as a couple, you also have to be comfortable with your own personal growth. Here are a few personal goals that can benefit you both:

• Having your own hobby
• Spending time away from each other (hanging out with family or friends without your partner)
• Learn your boundaries and how to communicate your needs
• Practice self-care and self-love
• Keep your word and promises
• Get yourself into therapy (if needed/wanted)
• Be willing to receive compliments from your partner

Of course, setting goals as a couple is important, but so is showing up for yourself. If you’re not at your best, how can you do your best for your partner?

Related Video: Should Married Couples Have Separate Bank Accounts?

Goal setting for couples: final thoughts 

Goal setting for couples doesn’t have to be difficult or time-consuming. In fact, once you’ve had your initial meeting and discussed your main goals, everything from then on should be quick and to the point. But the key is to grow with and understand your partner, so you can reach those goals together.